


Undeserving (let us help you, please).

by Idjit_01



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Forehead Kisses, Hugs, I Don't Even Know, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, My First Work in This Fandom, Pain, Sad Alec Lightwood, Worried Isabelle Lightwood, Worried Jace Wayland, Worried Magnus Bane, Yin Fen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-20
Updated: 2020-11-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 07:40:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27639673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Idjit_01/pseuds/Idjit_01
Summary: Alec drew a shaking breath in. When he answered, every word felt like a punch in his chest where his heart should be. "It's what I deserve".Alec's having a really hard time. Magnus and his siblings are scared for him and just want to help.
Relationships: Alec Lightwood & Isabelle Lightwood, Alec Lightwood & Jace Wayland, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 4
Kudos: 69





	Undeserving (let us help you, please).

Alec leaned against the door heavily, his limbs shaking and his breath quivering. 

"Alexander," he heared Magnus say softly against the door, as if he were whispering soft love letters to the door between them. "I know you're hurting."

His immediate reaction was to scoff, but his heart was pounding and his vision was blurring and there was no way he was going to pass out because of a bit of discipline.

"I-I don't know how to _help_ you." And damn it if Alec's heart didn't break with Magnus 's voice breaking. "I'm scared."

Alec drew a shaking breath in. When he answered, every word felt like a punch in his chest where his heart should be. " _It's what I deserve_ ".

As if on cue, his phone started ringing insistently. His gaze fall upon his phone, Jace's face on it, but closed his eyes tiredly. He curled on himself on the floor and waited.

When he woke up –he had surprisingly dozed off– he heared hushed voices through the door.

"-closed off and suddenly the bone just flared up to life and, Magnus, the pain in there-"

"-he won't listen. How can I-"

"He's my parabatai!"

"He's my husband-"

Gradually, the voices faded away and a knock came upon the door.

"Alec?" It was Izzy this time. "I'm opening the door, okay?"

Alec made a noise of protest, but he wasn't sure it could've been heared through the door.

He heared the click of the door and squinted towards the door.

Izzy knelt in front of him and kissed his forehead. "We just want to help you, you know that?"

Alec nodded, not really convinced.

"I know you think you don't deserve our help, that this is all you being you, but Alec... Can't you _see_? This is just like m-my addiction to Yin fen." Alec's eyes widened, the concept unfathomable. "You are good enough too." She leaned her head over his shoulder and closed her eyes. Alec swallowed the knot in his throat and let his body got lax.

By the time Alec's bones _really_ started to hurt Izzy had fallen asleep. A single knock drove his focus towards the door while he watched her breathing so _calmly_.

He looked up and an exhausted-looking Magnus was hovering there.

"Can I come in, love?" He asked hesitantly.

Alec nodded silently. Magnus shook Izzy awake and directed her towards his room to be more comfortable. Alec smiled gratefully at the weight taken away from his side. His bones still hurt nevertheless.

Magnus took Izzy's previous placed, knees bent, face on his hands. He took a few breaths and then tilted his head to look at Alec.

"You know I love you, right?" 

Alec nodded weakly.

"I don't want you to die."

Alec took a shuddering death at this, feeling as if the sentence had knocked the air out of his lungs.

"I can't," he murmured and chuckled lowly, "too many responsibilities."

Magnus flinched, but recovered quickly. "You don't have to take them on alone. That's why we married. That's why we're a family, remember?"

After a few seconds, Magnus continued, in a voice Alec had to strain his hearing to hear. "Do you want to live?"

Alec nodded, but then added. "I don't know." Then he shook his head and looked Magnus in the eyes. "I love you, but I keep doing something _wrong_ and that _hurts_. Magnus, it hurts _so muchPlease,_ don't give up on yourself. Don't give up on _us_. 

A few minutes later, when Magnus had fallen asleep as well, Alec opened his reddened eyes, kissed his forehead back and snuggled closer. "I'm sorry." He croaked.


End file.
